I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
