Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
