I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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