I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
