I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
