I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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