she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
