Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
