I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
