I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
