If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
