I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
