did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
