1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
kristin has been a bad kristin
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
