he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
