I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
