I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
