U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
