I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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