i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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