He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
