I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
