i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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