i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
