How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My balls are so social today.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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