True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
