I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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