UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
