Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
