if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
