4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
