and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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