Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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