dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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