It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
