Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
