Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
