Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
