you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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