Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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