I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
