If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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