im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
