New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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