Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
