I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
