She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
