Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
