he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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