Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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