i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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