ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
