His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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