Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
