whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
