she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
