The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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