If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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