the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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