So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
