I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
